So, you’re pregnant. Congratulations! Welcome to the season of 10,000 decisions to make about things you never even knew existed!
The mind boggles with stroller reviews and trying to figure out what clothes fit you this week. In the midst of that, you may be wondering what your options are for help once Baby is here.
You’ve heard about postpartum doulas — after all, you’re on this website! But they’re more expensive than nannies. How do you know which to choose?
My short answer would be that nannies focus on the baby, while postpartum doulas focus on the mother.
Nannies focus on babies, while postpartum doulas focus on mothers.
Historically, the mother-baby dyad was seen as connected. It was understood that mothers needed rest, comfort, and nourishment. Postpartum was a time to recover from birth, make milk, and bond with babies. That’s it! Entertaining guests, housework, caring for older children, and “bouncing back” into skinny jeans were not on the list.
Unfortunately, today, we don’t have systems in place to care for new parents. Mothers are often waiting 6 weeks to for an appointment with their OBGYN. They don’t know what to expect from their physical recovery, or when they should call their doctor. They’re surviving on meal trains and takeout. They’re processing complex emotions, and need a safe container to do so. They also need a nap and a shower!
By contrast, babies have several pediatrician visits in their first months of life. Lactation support and chiropractic is available to help them thrive. Friends and relatives are happy to stop by and hold the baby. And most importantly, they have you — their parents — to advocate for them.
So who is holding, tending to, and advocating for the mother?
Often, the work of a postpartum doula is subtle. It might look like folding laundry, washing bottles, or making soup. But it can make the difference between feeling seen or feeling alone. Feeling encouraged and reassured, or overwhelmed and doubtful. Resting and prioritizing yourself, or pushing yourself too hard, too fast.
Many doulas have specialized knowledge in areas like perinatal mental health, breastfeeding, sleep shaping, cultural care practices, and evidence-based healthcare.
A postpartum doula may also be the first person outside a family member to see a new mother before 6 weeks. She has the training to know when referrals may be needed, and connections to other providers. She is unbiased, nonjudgmental, and has no agenda outside serving.
It’s also worth mentioning that doulas are good for relationships! Many times, non-birthing parents find themselves holding an avalanche of new responsibilities, overnight. They have their own emotions, identity shift, and sleep deprivation to contend with. Doulas provide a safe place to ask questions, trusted resources for education, and rest.
Without a doubt, nannies provide a wonderful service to families. But when thinking about those first few weeks after birth, I like to remember what my mentor, Julia Jones, says: “When a baby is born, so is a mother.” What do you dream of for your newborn self?