Last month, I had the privilege of facilitating my second Mother’s Circle. I titled it “Becoming Mothers, Loving Ourselves As Daughters.” To be honest, I was nervous about calling it “Healing the Mother Wound,” even though that’s what most people said they were thinking about in the last circle (more on that later).
In preparation, I came across the work of Bethany Webster. She has written extensively on the mother wound, and makes a distinction that changed so much in me.
WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND?
Webster defines the mother wound as something every woman carries, to varying degrees. It’s essentially our relationship to patriarchy, as passed down through the experiences of our mother line. Mother blaming, on the other hand, is victimhood — it’s saying that all your character flaws and misfortunes are a result of how you were raised, and therefore immutable.
I was worried that “healing the mother wound” would be conflated for mother-blaming, when in reality, it’s the opposite of scapegoating. It’s taking responsibility and reclaiming the innocence, power, and anything else that has dimmed in you since girlhood. It may even mean multi-generational healing.
When I put this circle on the calendar, I thought I’d just be holding space for other people’s processes. Oh, how I was wrong! And that’s the beauty of sitting in circle — there’s no hierarchy. No leader. No teacher. We are all equal; learning together, sharing together. Circle is about as matriarchal as it gets. But I digress.
After an introduction of Webster’s work, we shared personal stories of how we relate to our mothers, and how we hope to be as mothers. Then we each pulled a two-card spread from the Mother’s Wisdom Deck of oracle cards. (Hippie alert!)
THE ORACLE SPEAKS
I suggested two options for interpreting Mother and Child cards: 1) you are the mother and your child is the child, or 2) the inner voice of your mother is the mother and your inner child is the child.
For myself, I went with option #2 and pulled this spread. Interestingly, I’d drawn cards with option #1 the day before, and got Lakshmi both times — first as my children, then as my inner mother.
According to the deck’s guidebook, Lakshmi represents abundance, with scarcity as its shadow. I took this as a message of comfort and reassurance for times when I feel under-resourced, anxious, or tired as a mother, as well as encouragement to be more generous.
The swan represents grace, with failure as its shadow. The card describes the story of the Ugly Duckling and said that “hardship leads to self-transformation and allows us to bring forth our inner beauty.” This was a sweet message for an inner child who still sometimes feels the wounds of bullying.
Directly after the circle, my family and I attended a 7th birthday party, with “golden birthday” as the theme. There were plastic gold coins everywhere — as decor, in games, and even on the cake. It was only the next day that I realized Lakshmi has gold coins streaming from one of her hands.
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
1. What are some of the messages or limiting beliefs you’ve worked to overcome as an adult?
2. What kinds of relationships do you tend to have with other women?
3. Where can you recall seeing negative portrayals of mothers, or mother-daughter relationships, in the media and pop culture?
4. What is your relationship to the idea of a higher power and/or the universe? What messages have you received from that source?
5. What do you see as patriarchy’s influence over nature/the planet?
Sending you love for the journey,
Jennifer